Motherhood

For Mother's Day, I wanted to post some thoughts on motherhood:

I LOVE being a mother.

I love it.

I feel like I've done a lot of really cool things in my life so far.

Things that I loved.

Things that I am proud of.

I feel like I got to really live before I settled down (one of these times I'll tell you about it).

So being someone who can compare, I can tell you, that this is better.

This is the most amazing, and fulfilling thing I have ever done.

I love being pregnant.  Having the ability to create life is something that I treasure.  I ache for people who long to and haven't been able to yet.  This is precious.

I remember the moment that we decided to start a family.

I remember each moment when we decided to expand our family.

I distinctly remember the feeling, each time, that it was time for a baby.

Before I had children, I was sure of what kind of mother I would be.

Now that I have children, my views have changed, and it takes constant effort to try to be the kind of mother that I want to be.
More often than not, I don't know what I'm doing.
I just try to stay pointed in the right direction.

Loving my children unconditionally is easy.

It's natural.

Making sure that they always know that, takes work.

It takes balance.

(Pictures by Brittany Davis photography.  August 2010.  38 weeks pregnant with Dalton)

In moments like this, I feel connected to heaven.
My precious baby.
The first time I get to look into their little faces is something indescribable.
This is the moment I became a mom.

(The moment they laid Saxon in my arms - August 2006)

I love this quote from Marjorie Hinckley:

"I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails.

I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp.

I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbors children.

I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed someone's garden.

I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder.

I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived."

— Marjorie Pay Hinckley

(Holding Bridger at 3 days old-2008)

My life is constantly filled with joy and fear.

I love the little moments with them.

I love looking into their little faces and absorbing every detail.

They grow too fast and I don't want to miss a moment. 

Some days I can't wait for them to fall asleep, but usually I miss them once they do.

Dalton loves it when I rock him to sleep in the rocking chair.

I could hold him and rock him and stare at him forever.

(Saxon and I watching a Cubs game at Wrigley Field)

I am also constantly afraid.

What if they get hurt?

What if they are sad?

What if I mess it all up?

Am I feeding them right?

Am I teaching them enough?

Do they know how much I love them?

(Me and Saxon boating on Lake Holiday, Chicago, Illinois)

"I remember my mother's prayers and they have always followed me.  They have clung to me all my life."  ~Abraham Lincoln

I pray for my children everyday.

(Me and Bridger - Refugio Beach, CA.)

 "Motherhood is more than bearing children. … It is the essence of who we are as women." - Sheri Dew

Five weeks after Saxon was born, I had to go back to work.

I cried the whole way there.

I felt like I had left my heart behind.

I don't know what I would have done without the people in my life who were willing to be a "mother" to him while I had to be away.  Brittany watched him while I worked and she loved him like her own.  That is the essence of motherhood.

"There is an instinct in a woman to love most her own child - and an instinct to make any child who needs her love, her own."  ~Robert Brault,

Happy Mother's Day!